My Metamorphosis

Slowly I peel away the coverings
Shedding the fabric that binds me
I peer around tentative, on guard
Ever watchful, ever alert

There are many things against me
Few that I have control over
But life remains a challenge
It tells me it won't rollover

I spread my left wing outward
Stretching the skin taut
I marvel as it dries and glistens
Soon it will bear me aloft

I spread my right wing outward
Feeling the strength flow through
I can sense what lies before me
The destiny that's been foretold

Slowly I move them in unison
Lifting me off of my branch
Carrying me into the soft, soft breeze
Driving me toward me future

Coin Flip

The light beckons to me
Softly calling me forward
Whispers of delight in my ear

I'm drawn like a moth to the flame
Beauty that just waits to destroy me
And still I must move forward

This thing called love
So much joy, so much pain
Just two sides of the same coin

I flip it again and wait
Which side does it hold for me?
Where am I headed today?

Pleasure or pain, they're both the same
I may think I'm growing wiser
But life won't stop for me

Time fades and the world ages
I don't blink so it won't pass me by
Even in pain, I'll enjoy what I'm given

My Agony to Bear

Flesh peels from the edges
My living tissue revealed
All that my skin contains
The essence of who I am

My feelings, my emotions
Driven out from my core
Only allows me to suffer
With each new scar

My flesh stripped away
Layer by layer, every minute
By things I hold dear
They damage me the most

My unprotected core is exposed
My true self stripped away
Inch by inch, I live in my despair
Never to know the joy of others

Joy that so easily comes to them
Forever out of my grasp, unattainable
My core burns, my living flesh stings
Scars thicken to try and protect

Yet each scar is constantly re-opened
Each wound re-made fresh daily
All of the hatred, venom and bile
Poured into my wounds for my suffering

My scars ripped open
My flesh peeled away
Salt is my only salve
Driving home my agony

A Step Through Time

Images all around my face
Every one fading in and out
Each a personal memory
But none with meaning for me

Once I thought they captured my life
Reflecting my precious moments
Images on which I could reflect and ponder
But it was all just an illusion

Moments of joy only lived in my mind
I could not see the pain in others
The pain they feel so deep inside
Now shakes me to my core

My own pictures mock and taunt me
What I thought was joy never existed
What I thought was love was only a lie
My false memories obscured by truth

So, I put away each memory
Removing each picture from it's frame
For these images mean nothing to me
They capture a life that was only a lie

Sunflowers

Golden light bathes their face
As each flower slowly turns
They greet the new day
Unspoken desires
Yearning for the sun's warmth

Little visitors gently land
Each stalk quietly swaying
Such small creatures
Shades of yellow and brown
Delighting in the offering

I watch in amazement and delight
This grand spectacle laid before me
A simple act on my behalf
Just the planting of a seed
Yet the joy it brings is so intense

To think the time I spent planting
Lovingly preparing each and every seed
This bounty of delight yielded to me
Where the sun brightens my soul
As Nature enjoys my little offering

Simple Delights

The ripples slowly spread
Obscuring my image
A ghostly shadow
I see it dancing
Moving with the waves

The colors are so vivid
Their warmth filling my heart
My smile beams back at me
And I return the favor
Such a simple gesture

A shadow passes over
I stare up toward the sky
There is the little Blue Bird
My partner on the waves
Dancing with my image

I turn my gaze toward the pool
Seeing my hope laid bare
I get just a moments glance
Before the ripples return
My shadow dancing with the waves

My shadow shimmers on the surface
I know I'm blessed to behold this sight
Such a simple and plain vision
My simple features glisten
A pale reflection of God's light

End of the Road

I stare deep into your ebony eyes
Not a glimmer of light is shining
Nothing is reflected in your gaze
And I realize who you are

You only came at my invitation
Standing before me at my beckoning
Peering into my souls deepest regions
I feel a cold that cannot be imagined

Your fleshless fingers point my way
The direction I fear to see
Still I must move forward
That is where my future awaits

There is no escaping your grip
There is no fleeing my destiny
Everyone will pass your way
My time happens to be now

I give you a weak little smile
But inside I shake uncontrollably
Just like a young child reaping his reward
For the actions that he has committed

So I meet your cold steely gaze
And I gird myself for the trip ahead
Everyone must make this journey
Passing from the living to the dead

Tin Man

Eyes wide open, yet they're shut
What stands before me goes unseen
Pain and hurt calling out
But my ears are sealed to the cry

My skin so calloused
My hide so thick
No emotions penetrate
No emotions displayed

In the corner of my eye
Stands my other half
Suffering alone and wondering
What's wrong with him?

How could he not feel?
How could he not see?
How could he not help?
Why did he ignore me?

My head hangs in shame
Wondering what I could have been
Her night in shining armor
Instead I'm the rusted Tin Man

Scars

Fire consumes my eyes
Each tear searing my skin
Streams burning down my cheeks
Etching more paths of sorrow

How many lines do I have?
How deep are these furrows?
The etchings across my face
Revealing my heart's hidden pain

In one quick instance
My hopes are crushed
Dreams that I once held dear
Never to be fulfilled

Like a phantom I exist now
Barely moving through the world
Only a shadow of the being
That my friends once knew

I cling to this life
Grasping onto any hand hold
My fingers clawing the surface
Nails ripped to the bone

I tip my hat to you
And then I bid farewell
Your work here is done
My heart ripped to shreds

Each tattered ribbon
Trying to bind to me
Only one small flicker
Holding my heart together

So this pain I will endure
Just another scar to bear
Were a wound was ripped open
And my heart healed again

Along for the ride

He always knew he could never be the one
His trials and errors taught him these lessons
The world would forever be his enemy
His goals and dreams could never be reached

At times he’s amazed, how could he be so blinded
He knew his virtues could never cover his sins
And yet he still yearned for something to cling to
Anything that would tip the scales toward him

During his times of utter despair, hours dark and grim
He felt his pain at its worst, the anguish consuming
He pushed on through this sheer loneliness
Crying out to be saved, but sliding back into darkness

Silently he suffered; he could sense his journey’s end
Yet through his darkness, he saw the light
And could feel the warmth flowing deep into his soul
A peace passing his understanding

There was another that had already accomplished
That which he pushed himself towards
He would never be the perfect person
And good enough was never an option

How can you measure things swayed by men
A moving target, shifting by their whims
Goals and achievements temporal, limited by time
Present for the here and now, gone from eternity

And yet as he was bathed by this light
He felt a comfort he had never known
It wasn’t his journey he was charged to make
But an adventure that he had been sent on

Walking behind the One true light
Radiating brilliantly before him
He realized he was meant to share
In the joy brought to others

Pausing for the first time in his life
He reflected on this revelation
That all he ever had to do was accept a gift
And be what God had made him

Pale Moonlight

In shame I hang my head
My eyes turned aside shunning all
It's now so clear to me
The things I should have said
But so well did I play the mute

I now face the opportunities I wasted
The chances that I let pass me by
Those instances I needed to share something
An everlasting, meaningful truth
The real purpose that we are here

Yet in my deep despair
I turned away from the light
What I thought was a momentary blink
Became an eternity lost for someone
Because of the instant I lost my sight

There is a greater purpose we serve
A higher calling for our lives
We are men, not merely animals
Even though we often fall short
We were created for a purpose

My sorrow knows no limits
The depths of my despair unmeasurable
And yet I sink further still
Swallowed and absorbed by the abyss
It's sweet, dark oblivion, my only kiss

And yet in my final moments
I hear a voice softly whisper my name
Reassuringly reminding me of He who eases my pain
His light that has always been waiting
Ever present to lead my way

He was always above watching me
When I felt alone, He had never let go
And in my worse moments of turmoil
He was there holding me, soothing me
My Redeemer who saved more than just me

So I open myself to true inner change
To what truly must be re-made
Not this poor shell of a man standing before you
But this reflection of He that is much greater
The image of my Lord and Savior

Choices

The pit lays full, not barren and bare
Waiting for a kiss from a spark
That's all it needs to ignite the fire
And set ablaze these heavy logs

Bright and hot, the fire burns
Flames dancing and licking at the dark
Bright yellows and orange with deep, dark reds
Multiple hues shining into the night

A spark jumps while the fire crackles
And an ember boldly leaps forth from the pit
It stands on his own, It's passion searing
A bright star shining on the world

But what the the lonely ember forgets
Is the warmth shared among friends
The constant replenishing, and re-igniting
Of the desires and dreams that drive them

Slowly, ever so slowly, the ember starts to cool,
A once bright beacon fading into the evening
A decision must be made and a choice must be taken
Will I live bright and burn out? Or do I go back in?

Leaves

Laughter breaks through the silence
An unwanted intrusion into my thoughts
Slowly they arouse me from my slumber
And the world comes back into focus

People move all around me
Their bodies shuffling to and fro
Like leaves twisting in the wind
Each one sharing it's own dance

I walk through this impromptu show
Finding where I may fit in
My body twists in the summer wind
Sharing my unique dance with all

I can feel the energy around me
The emotions flowing so pure
Dances of joy and of sadness
Each with their own rhythm and tunes

Does my dance fit in here
Does it even belong with the others
I move among the masses
A mixture of sadness and hope

I look out among the others
Wondering who may notice me
But I just blend into the background
Just another leaf on the tree

So without any trepidation
There is no hesitation from me
I let my energy join the others
Just another leaf dancing on the tree

My Home

Golden hues dance across the waves
Shimmering and twirling, a visual delight
Red, gold and orange boldly displayed
As laughter fills the air, I know peace

A wonderland of sights and sounds
A kaleidoscope of cascading colors
Swirling and twirling around me
But each touch burns my skin

I reach over to stroke your hair
But my hand passes through you
Everything is gone and erased
Only the shadows remain, faint reminders

My eyes flicker open to blackness
The shade slowly descending from the skies
Heaven weeps and delivers its woes to me
The rain burning as it kisses my skin

Is this Hell?  Is this what I've become?
Just a shade, a shadow moving among people
No one noticing, everyone passing through me
My life a joke, the stars laughing down on me

I slink along the walls
Watching the lights move around me
I stay to the shadows where I'm safe
Away from the light, such searing pain

I glide down familiar halls
Trailing above the hardwood floors
I breathe in the aroma of my home
This castle that is now my tomb

Echoing Heart

I hear the echo sound through my chest
A hollow flat sound that flows out into the night
Once it was a mighty beat, life flowing through it
But now the music has been muted
All that remains is this soft subtle echo

The scars build up, covering and constricting
Slowly they've choked the life out of my heart
But I'm helpless to stop it, I can only wait
A video slowly being recorded of my hardening heart
A low hollow thump echoing through my chest

I close my eyes, and try so hard to hear
Can there be anything left to come back to life?
My chest feels so hollow, my eyes see only shadows
But I refuse to let this be the end of it
Even with a dead heart I can move through this world

I slowly move among the shadows, my new home
Looking at the mockery the world has made of love
Feeling the scars build one after another
Feeling my heart harden, little by little
Knowing soon that it will be completely dead

So I'll swallow another pill to numb the pain
And dull the sensations and listen to the faint echos
The hollow flat sounds that flow through the night
My music, dead or alive, its what I have to give
So, I'll let the soft echoes drift out from the shadows

Hope

I scratch and scrape, pulling at the walls
Hoping for any little edge, just a tiny foot hold
My nails break and my skin rips
Jagged edges of this pit leaving their scars

Slowly, ever so slowy I move toward the light
Inch by inch, foot by foot
Somtimes I slip, and the light slips from my sight
But I keep moving forward, it's the only direction to go

I climb ever upward toward the light
Climbing out of this pit of despair
Reaching for any hold, or is that a hand?
No, it's just a trick of the light

Am I alone in my misery, trapped in despair
I have to keep climbing, I cannot dwell here
I lock my gaze onto two little stars
Both beaming bright, their light not hidden by this pit

What hope is this I feel from these stars?
A constant calling, and urging me forward
Bringing me toward them, for their own reasons
Guiding me from my pit

These two beautiful stars, ever shining bright
Push back the shadows, deeper into this pit
I climb, ragged, bleeding and sore
My body aches but I cannot rest

My two stars beckon to me, promising hope
Their light peeling away the despair
That has kept me hidden in this pit
I have a way out, I must keep pushing forward

So I climb, inch by inch, foot by foot
Scrapes and scars, bloodied skin on my hands
I continue to pull myself ever forward
Escaping from this pit of despair

Mi alma liberada

It was one glance and my breath froze
My chest wouldn't heave
I stood transfixed as if I were dead
Never imaging the joy that would come

I was only a ghost, a shadow of life
Going to work, coming back home
Then I'd do it all again
Yes, I'd do it all again

But God set an angel before me
My soul was renewed
Nothing I did from this point forward
Would ever matter in my life

Yes, you were that beauty
The one who stole the breath from me
My heart stops when I think of you
Waiting for you to let it beat

Now I know what heaven is
Just a tiny glimpse I was given
When I first laid my eyes on you
My soul was liberated

Your beauty flows from within
And your body cannot contain it
For with my eyes, I have seen
The beauty that lies within

Your love has set me free
It has guided my every step
My constant companion in my troubles
You have liberated my soul

The Pursuit

A snip here, a tuck there
Shaping, trimming, defining
All is  good, All is well
The knife is all I needed

My reflection, it grins back at me
All knowing gleam in it's eye
For it knows that it owns me
Only it can make me happy

Yet I don't recognize this person
Am I staring at me?
I feel this empty shell, my body
Will forever be changing

But it doesn't matter anymore
Because I'm hollow within
I was nothing more than a lump of clay
Just waiting to be molded

So I let the molder take me
And shape me as the world sees fit
For I am at it's eternal mercy
Bowing to what the world calls beauty

My decisions mean nothing now
Unless the world is happy
So I will let the molders knife
Carve me into beauty

The Tempest

Images flash and emotions roil
Ever-changing in my mind
Hopping from one topic to another
No peace, No peace will they ever find

When I close my eyes the colors flood in
Never just black like you would expect
But bursts of crimson and blues, yellows and greens
Always mixing, always changing, always blending

Yet you see me, but you don't
The turmoil that I live
The pain that I endure
Boiling beneath my skin

It tries to rise and escape
But is always held in check
Behind the many masks I wear
Something you would never expect

I'm an enigma to you
Something you try to figure out
Something you want to understand
But an answer that will always elude you

I am just a simple creation
Who's emotions are tied in knots
Giving what I have to give
But always being told it's never enough

So, I'll bottle up whats inside me
To do otherwise would make me insane
Always seething and boiling
Behind my smiling mask

As we go on living
Our two separate lives
Always keep an eye out
I'm dying , I'm dying inside

Beautiful Shells

Light shimmers and changes

New colors forever shifting and shining

Every time I look 

I stand in awe

That skin so soft and inviting

Could be the example 

Of what the world wants

And yet on the inside there is nothing

Just a hollow shell 

Something we can never fill

Although we keep pouring in

The vessel is always empty

I've heard tell that beauty is skin deep

So how hollow must be the shell

That contains all that outward beauty

That inwardly can never be filled

I walk amongst the corpses

All radiant and pure

But one gaze into their soulless eyes 

Shows a human that's never full

Their hunger is never satiated

They're driven to consume all

In the end though it's for nothing

Because they will always be an empty shell

Real beauty comes from within

And that inward light radiates out

Glowing through that thin shell

For all the world to see

Yet as I look on society

It becomes readily clear

That there are many beautiful people

Who will never have a light to bear

Love That Never Was

My head is spinning,
Everything moving so quickly
Am I in, out, up or down
My future is frozen
The only time I have is now

But I don't know where to turn
All I had was in you
Your every move, Your every smile
Yet you threw me away
And called me worthless

What you forced me to learn
Is something you say you already knew
But now you'll find out
You didn't know me
For my fire will consume our flesh

I poured out my love
But it meant nothing
How could I not know what love is?
But from your heart you've told me
Love is something I never could give

Meaningless, that's what my life is now
Just an empty path
Full of despair
Drowning out the pain
Only makes my thinking clear

I look back now on every smile
Every touch and every laugh
And now I know they were never true
I was always just heartless
You always believed I was cruel

Every moment we shared
Was nothing more than just lies
The truth plays no favorites
It equally shares the pain
Consuming everything by my burning rage

So I'll take another pill
And let the Pixies dance
There shimmering shadows
In the corner of my eyes
Bear witness to my end

I pray once more
To my redeemer
That this night my prayer will come true
But again He reminds me
I still have work to do

So I know I'll wake in the morning
Swallowing my anguish and pride
I'll push aside the future I no longer see
For this consuming rage
Has set a new path before me

I'll take another pill and ready myself for what comes
For I can only keep loving
With this love that never was
The love you tell me is something
That I knew nothing of

Pebbles

We kick our pebbles down the road
Watching them bounce to and fro
Wondering where they will travel
Down this seemingly endless road

We give them the start that they need
Trying to roll them a certain way
But the road that we wish them to travel
Is not smooth or even or level

And yet, down this road they must travel
All of our little pebbles
Never gliding the way we intended
And yet, sometimes, they do still make it

We wrap our prayers and love
Into each precious little pebble
The tiny rolling and tumbling little pebbles
That hold onto our hopes and dreams

Some pebbles fall by the wayside
Mired and lost in the grass
A tiny piece of our selves and our lives
That now will forever be lost

And yet we always have hope
That our lost little pebbles are found
Picked up with care and love
And placed back on the right path

Sometimes we feel the pain
From the overbearing hurt
An ache felt deep in our bosoms
Caused by our pebbles gone astray

But, we kick our pebbles again
Down the same road
Watching them bounce in new directions
Still hoping they reach our home

Barely Alive

I gave my heart freely
An act only done once before
And now I see it laid before me
Ripped from my chest, placed on the floor

How could you have been so fooled?
How could you have been so mislead?
Didn't you see the clues?
Didn't you know what was ahead?

I can hear all the questions
Coming from those I know and love
Everyone pointing fingers
At the signs I should have seen

Yet love has a funny way
Of making you blind to things
Actions which may be out in the open
But your heart won't see a thing

Now as I lay clutching
My chest as I writhe in pain
What once knew love is now dead
Will it ever beat with life again?

I look toward the heavens
And gaze into God's creation
Surely he must have a plan
For I know the evil one won't triumph.

So I place my gaze on God
It's all I have left to do
My heart must re-awaken
Or I know that I am through...

Speck

A million lights dance across the sky
But I'm just a speck among them
What causes some of us
To burn so brightly
While others are always dim

I can't see my own shimmer
I can't tell where I belong
I keep floating like a speck
I flitter among the stars
Dull, and black, just a speck

I've been told
That it is quite the sight
When you are so close
To a star
Especially one burning bright

And yet all I am is singed
And still I cannot pull away
I cannot save myself
Must I be consumed
God spare me from this

And in an instance
I am transformed
My very own radiance
Shines through
Giving a warmth I never knew

I was never just a speck
Just a dimly lit star
Hidden amongst the heavens
Covered by others gems
But I do have my place

I will go forward
I will be the light
I will lead others
I will pull them from the night
And all of us will shine!

Little Whispers

Shadows flicker
In the corner of my eyes
Maybe just a trick of the light?
Ever so quietly
The shadow creeps toward me
I turn my head to see
But there is nothing there.

Sometimes I hear
The faint flutter of wings
As of a thousand little pixies
As they're dancing around me
Other times I hear
Their hushed voices
Coaxing and misleading me.

Oh if not
For this pill
That I must take each evening
I can only imagine
The wondrous sounds
That would acccompany
These Pixies dancing.

Their muted laughter
Their shrieks of joy
Their whispers in my ear
Yet I can only see them
When the shadow flickers
And perchance
Catch them there

But now the pill
Has done its work
As the music slowly fades
Yet I know
They're still out there
For that shadow still flickers
In the corner of my eye

Shadow Dweller

The light shines but does not illuminate
I am left in the shadows
My hands reach out
But the light burns my skin

Slowly I slink
Back into the pit
Ever desolate
Ever despairing

I am outcast
A pariah amongst friends
Harbinger of death and despair
All turn from me

I try to grasp the light
Where I once dwelt
Where I can no longer live
Never to know the warmth again

12 Años Hermosos (Escrito en 2008)

El cielo es azul y los pájaros están cantando

Una hermosa canción para ti

El tiempo pasa lentamente

Y disfrutar de la actuación

Esto me recuerda el día en que se reunió por primera vez

Una sonrisa cruza mi cara

La alegría que me sentía

Mi corazón late con fuerza en mi pecho

Su belleza derramado sobre mí

Al igual que el del sol los rayos de oro

Mi piel caliente de su resplandor

Mi sangre es un fuego por ti

12 años han pasado

Hemos crecido más prudente

Mi corazón todovía libras en mi pecho

Mi sangre está todavía en el fuego

Te quiero con toda mi alma!

12 Beautiful Years (written in 2008)

The sky is blue and the birds are singing

A beautiful song to you

Time goes by slowly

And we enjoy the performance

It reminds me of the day we first met

A smile crosses my face

The joy that I felt

My heart pounding in my chest

Your beauty poured on me

Like the sun’s golden rays

My skin warmed by your glow

My blood on fire for you

12 years have passed

We have grown wiser

My heart still pounds in my chest

My blood is still on fire

I love you with all my soul!

The Brook

You shimmer and move
Like the clearest mountain stream
Ever-changing, constantly flowing
Teeming with life and strength

Through every one you befriend
You etch an eternal memory
Just as the stream carves its way
Finding the easiest of paths

But, I reach out toward you
With timidity and trepidation
My arms encircle your translucent body
But like the stream, I cannot hold you

I’m just a difficult path
An obstacle you must navigate
An impediment to your movement
But I am also your future

You will carve your image into me
You will push on searching, seeking and finding
The path is not easy, and at times insurmountable
Still you will move ahead

Revealing that easy path
Carving through my resistance
Washing over my trepidations
Forever leaving your mark on me

The Raven

The Raven

I sit and watch as the night falls
Shuddering, shaking, afraid.
I know what awaits me
when I close my eyes;
But I must face it anyway.

Everyday is a trial
Just to exist as a being.
But most of us have to face that;
It's life as we know it
Unyielding, cold and harsh
But we push on anyway.

My sole solace is in my redeemer
Without him
I would be nothing
Just a speck in the universe
Waiting to be swallowed
By the first star I come to close to

Stars shine and they attract
But they also singe and burn
If not for my redeemer,
I would merely be ash
Consumed by the heat of this monster

I look toward the Raven
As it waits to lead me
Away from this torture and pain.
But it says it's not my time
That's not a choice I get to make.

I look toward my redeemer
And he tells me to be patient
He is not done with me yet.
My future still waits
And I must endure
Until He says it is time.

So I look toward the Raven
And ask him to leave
Return when my time has been called.
Until then I will push on
Doing the will of my Lord!

Efrem Leach